The bright side of negative

This was the title of an article I read a long time ago, reminding me of a time when I was desperately trying to fathom out why bad things come to me and how I would ever escape the valley of despairs.

Back then, I came up with the concept of "positive negative emotions". It's hard to define what "negative emotions" entail; some of them can be sadness, jealousy, loneliness, desperation. Oftentimes, it sucks to harbor those feelings deep inside, not knowing when they would go away or if they would ever will.

But I've also had time to ponder over the dilemma of experiencing negative emotions as well as learn and adore their inherent beauty.

1. If a person is standing on a cliff, what should we do?

When I was experiencing a certain degree of extremity and recently listened to similar experiences, the person standing on a cliff might sometimes receive a response: If you do that, things will end.

At times, it sounds like a threat. If you do that, we stop talking / our relationship ends.

At times, it sounds like a reminder of a no-turning-back regret: If you do that, you lose beautiful things in your life.

At times, it sounds like a plea: If you do that, there are people who suffer.

I used to wonder and imagine: What would a person standing on a cliff feel right at that moment? Aren't all the threats, reminders, pleas just one step away? Telling a person in such a vulnerable state that they are doing the wrong thing might feel like a cruel reminder of reality.

I don't have any credential to say how things are supposed to be done and how certain emotions are supposed to be handled. But back then, what I would always imagine myself doing if I see a person on a cliff is to approach them from a safe distance and be there with all the loneliness.

2. Is life worth living?

If life always goes smoothly, then yes.

If life feels rough, maybe no.

This might sound a bit of a silly question, but in the grander scheme of life, it has always been a challenging conundrum. What is the meaning of life anyway, given that we are not allowed to choose life but only born to it?

I used to write about the depiction of committing suicide - how the word "commit" and movies portray the act. To keep living means to assume that life is inherently beautiful and worth living. But to assume so, it starts with acknowledging if you have a role to play in life.

At times when I think about the concept of "suicide", one key reason to stay alive is to think of beloved people. Think about how one's parents, spouses, children feel - how despondent they will be, how struggling their lives would feel. That reason might only work if those bonds matter enough.

I like to think of life as living for you - that fulfilling a role you plan for others is ultimately what makes you happy and gives you a sense of purpose. Being kind to a person feels happy both because you see that person happy and because you are proud to be a kind person. To me, life is worth living when you find your role and feel happy with it.

3. Then where do negative emotions come to play?

Pragmatically and looking into how things are supposed to operate, I think that life needs balance, and so there should be both positive and negative emotions. But viewing life as a pragmatic end goal sometimes feels burdening. If life is worth living, should we be enjoying everything that comes with it? Probably yes and no.

In one regard, yes because negative emotions help you connect with others in a special way. To me, those emotions make humans more vulnerable and open for more personal connections. In another way, experiencing negative emotions is a time to slow down, take a step back, and rest yourself.

In another regard, no because it can be painful to experience those emotions. Looking back, traumas are just memories that can never be as vividly felt like when you were experiencing them. But right at that moment, the consolation and wishful thinking that "this shall pass" might not be helping that much. There's another feeling of guilt for seeing yourself miserable, despondent, looking for an escape.

4. The bright side of negative emotions

To me, that is to acknowledge yourself experiencing those emotions and embrace yourself for feeling so. Emotions are a part of a growing-up journey, experiencing the ebbs and flows of life. While saying this is a cliche, it's okay to feel sad. But knowing why and how to hug yourself right at that moment is truly the key to seeing the bright side of the experience.

Experiencing depths of emotions, across all spectra of ups and downs, also gives us the profundity of life. There's the experience I particularly enjoy of being "stupid" and "uncertain". They're not technically emotions, but they are how I perceive myself and ultimately how I feels at that moment. It really feels inspiring to not know something and realize how much you can learn from it. It feels motivating to not know how things unfold and work toward your end goal.

Whatever emotions you experience, you have every right to feel them. However you think of life, you have every right to lead your own life. Assume that life has a role that you find worth living for, embrace moments where you are down, and let yourself experience the bright side of things.